To Blog or Not to Blog??

So to Blog or Not to blog...New blog or use the same one? Do I write for myself or for the world? Those are a few questions that have kept me from coming back here for so long. I need to write. It's in my soul. It's me. I have been writing in my journal at work, lots of doodles and jotting down things that are happening but not much more. And of course about budgeting.

 I defiantly can become obsessive about money and paying off bills. I feel like a bad ass when I take out a bill. Like I am punching it in the face for a total knock out. I thought this was a good thing, I thought I was making life changing progress for my family. And I still believe that but I was also driving my husband crazy by constantly talking about saving and paying off bills.

 No eating out...we need to cut back. How much did that cost? How much over time have you worked?

 And I guess that got old really quick which I understand because we were no longer having fun. I was preaching money doesn't matter but totally being a crazy woman for more of it. I thought it was okay since it was to pay off bills. I guess I am thinking suffer now enjoy later. What if later doesn't come and my husband loses so much family time that he can't get back. Then what?! I read one christian book and it tells me to pay off bills fast due to interest and to gain financial freedom. Then I go church and they preach live for today. Enjoy the blessing God has given us. I know I am so blessed but am I enjoying them? Or I am sleeping through life trying to get to the next day.

 I work a 40 hour a week job plus I have a 3rd grader. Which comes with homework and her own life expectations. I don't want to plan our week full of activities but she needs tutoring twice a week. Then she has gymnastics twice a week. Now she wants guitar lessons. I know she doesn't need the extra but what if playing a guitar is her thing. She will be learning a skill I can not give her. What if she can become the next Taylor Swift and I am keeping her from learning the guitar. (crazy thoughts)

Okay, back to blog or not to blog....

 I am not really sure what direction this blog will go. I hope though I will continue to keep it. Just beware that you may get the happy positive me, crazy Mom me, the negative Nelly or just completely rambling on for days me. It will be me though...the true Raw me. I worried for a long time that I must always be positive..no one likes to read about negative things...I must post about rainbows and awesome healthy recipes. I realize now that it just doesn't happen as often as I'd like to write. Today I am tired. Why because I had an awesome weekend with friends and family.  Went to Top Golf, stayed out way past my bed time. Then had a small Texans/Cowboy party for my Moms Birthday. Today is Monday and all I want to do is jump back into bed....but I will not! I will go to Body Pump tonight and read a book with my third grader at bed time. I only pray I stay awake to hear the end because yes I fall asleep sometimes when she reads.