I don't know...the ugly toilet seat

I really don't know what will become of today. That sounds depressing. I wish I had more than that but I don't. I really don't. "Live for today" "Make today better than yesterday" but what if sitting on your couch seems better for today. Maybe I compare myself too much to what others are doing. And maybe as long as I enjoy my day then it's all good. What is really weird is that my actions show that I am doing better today than yesterday but my mind and words seem so negative. This week I made a 2 week calender of meals for dinner. I bought everything I would need to make each meal. Now I will be more prepared for the week. Monday through Thursday have become really busy. KK is now in tutoring and I have amazingly continued to go to the gym each night even now that school has started!! Woo Hoo high 5 to me! I found a template made in excel with cute little veggie clip art found at thenourishinghome.com
 Just having a template to start with really helped me get focused on making a plan. Today, will be better than yesterday. My family will be feed.

For another affirmation that I am not always negative, I was told by my BFF that I should have been a cheerleader since I am always smiling and happy. And when she saw her daughter shaking it out on the field it reminded her of me....she knew that I would have gotten into it and I would have. Having a family doesn't allow you to go to places where shaking it is acceptable. And I love to shake it. So, now I do Zumba. Geez..I am old. ZUMBA...ZUMBA has replaced salsa clubs...Wow! Wait.. I will take Zumba..less drama! So yes I am a happy person. When I see people I am happy. I am truly excited to see them. I want to know about their day. I want to know their happies and their sads. I really do. So maybe when I am writing I am alone and being alone makes me negative? I wonder why? I believe I like myself. I believe everyone should live as I do (not really..but kinda) Only because I do try to live the best that I can. I appreciate everything I have. I believe I have way more than I need. I want to give more (but do I give to my kids and they become spoiled or do I help others who are struggling just like my college boys). I manage my money to the best of my abilities. I really try not to be wasteful. When I see my husband grab a plastic spoon to eat at home it drives me insane! really insane.

Parties, office kitchens, food courts is where plastic ware is acceptable. Not in a home with a dishwasher. I must get all plastic out of my house. In order to do that the mother in law must move out. Yes, she lives with us and I allow her to run my house. Why? Well, because she loves things a certain way and I don't want to fight over it. It makes her feel comfortable and my husband less stressed if we are all getting along. And if I make a big deal on what type of toilet seat I would like my guest to sit on...well. It makes him miserable because the MIL wants a plastic cushion seat and I want a nice heavy sturdy seat. Guess who lost the fight? Me. It's not hard to make someone feel selfish and stupid when they are crying over a toilet seat. So, she got her ugly toilet seat and my husband still has some of his hair left. And for me well, I stopped worrying about it and moved on because I do realize I have been blessed with a lot. And unfortunately, she is a widow with no place to go. This situation becomes such a reality when we argue over little things. Actually, I only argue with her in my head. We never actually argue. We push everything through my hubby. Poor guy. She has lately tried to make smart ass remarks to me but I always come back with "what did you say?" in a nice voice. This to me gives her the opportunity to realize what she thought in her head actually came out of her mouth. And she can either rephrase what she just said or repeat it with more force. Thankfully, she has chosen to rephrase it because I really don't want to fight with her. Don't get me wrong I have some very selfish feelings about all this that I push way deep down. I want my house to myself. I want to wash my dishes and clothes the way I want to. With the music blaring through the house. I want to sew all hours of the night and not worry about keeping her awake. I have worked hard for my very own cottage.

 I deserve all those things. I do. And I want them. But at what price? Maybe I want everyone to like me because when I think of "at what price"....I see myself on the stake like Joan of Arch being burned to death. And everyone in my family chatting on "You deserve to burn for washing your own dishes" ...."How dare you expect to pick your own toilet seat!" Yes, a little dramatic but I do feel that way. Who knows I am now 40 and maybe with age I will learn to fight with kind words to get my toilet seat. (Just so you know....she picked out the dryer recently too.) Right now the only words that want to come out of my mouth is that "This house is mine..mine..mine" Ha..Ha yeah right! Reality is that she will live with us until one day she will decide to move out...and then we will be sad when she is gone. Why? because it's not everyday that we need a new toilet seat or a new dryer. She is my family and we need to stay together. In the end that is all we have. One day I will travel the earth and admire it's beauty and forget all about the ugly toilet seat. And remember how for more than a couple of years KK got to spend time with her Granny. So, for now if you come to visit beware of the cracked cushion toilet seat in my guest restroom. It will probably scratch your butt...so Squat.

To Blog or Not to Blog??

So to Blog or Not to blog...New blog or use the same one? Do I write for myself or for the world? Those are a few questions that have kept me from coming back here for so long. I need to write. It's in my soul. It's me. I have been writing in my journal at work, lots of doodles and jotting down things that are happening but not much more. And of course about budgeting.

 I defiantly can become obsessive about money and paying off bills. I feel like a bad ass when I take out a bill. Like I am punching it in the face for a total knock out. I thought this was a good thing, I thought I was making life changing progress for my family. And I still believe that but I was also driving my husband crazy by constantly talking about saving and paying off bills.

 No eating out...we need to cut back. How much did that cost? How much over time have you worked?

 And I guess that got old really quick which I understand because we were no longer having fun. I was preaching money doesn't matter but totally being a crazy woman for more of it. I thought it was okay since it was to pay off bills. I guess I am thinking suffer now enjoy later. What if later doesn't come and my husband loses so much family time that he can't get back. Then what?! I read one christian book and it tells me to pay off bills fast due to interest and to gain financial freedom. Then I go church and they preach live for today. Enjoy the blessing God has given us. I know I am so blessed but am I enjoying them? Or I am sleeping through life trying to get to the next day.

 I work a 40 hour a week job plus I have a 3rd grader. Which comes with homework and her own life expectations. I don't want to plan our week full of activities but she needs tutoring twice a week. Then she has gymnastics twice a week. Now she wants guitar lessons. I know she doesn't need the extra but what if playing a guitar is her thing. She will be learning a skill I can not give her. What if she can become the next Taylor Swift and I am keeping her from learning the guitar. (crazy thoughts)

Okay, back to blog or not to blog....

 I am not really sure what direction this blog will go. I hope though I will continue to keep it. Just beware that you may get the happy positive me, crazy Mom me, the negative Nelly or just completely rambling on for days me. It will be me though...the true Raw me. I worried for a long time that I must always be positive..no one likes to read about negative things...I must post about rainbows and awesome healthy recipes. I realize now that it just doesn't happen as often as I'd like to write. Today I am tired. Why because I had an awesome weekend with friends and family.  Went to Top Golf, stayed out way past my bed time. Then had a small Texans/Cowboy party for my Moms Birthday. Today is Monday and all I want to do is jump back into bed....but I will not! I will go to Body Pump tonight and read a book with my third grader at bed time. I only pray I stay awake to hear the end because yes I fall asleep sometimes when she reads.

It could be too late...

I finished quilting and binding Devin's quilt last Friday. I had hoped to add it to some whip up friday blog but it has been raining here daily and I wanted to take the perfect picture of it. You know a picture of it hanging off the fence or across a pinic table. And then I would run it up to Md Anderson to give it to Devin. I had planned on taking a picture of me and him togeather with the quilt. I was going to read the scripture verse to him. Hoping it would provide comfort. But it rained all weekend and family came in from out of town. Then Monday came which was my Bday. And that is when they called to tell me that Devin had went into diabetic coma. My heart is heavy and my brain is confused on how this could happen. Since then he has flat lined twice and they are trying to cure him of an infection. Tuesday we went up to the hospital to be with our family and wait it out. I was hesitant to bring the blanket because I did not want attention focused on me and plus whom should I give it to. I feel terrible that I am so protective over the blanket. But it is the first quilt I have ever completed and it is made with my Dad's shirts. I asked his Mom (my Dad's sister) if she felt it would be a good idea if I brought it in. I didn't want it to get lost in the mist of all the confusion. She said yes, she wanted him to be covered with it while in ICU hoping that he would feel my Dad's warmth. That made me feel so much better knowing that it was going to be appreciated it. So I brought it in. Mostly all of my Dad's sisters were there to see it. It was so nice to see the love they all had for my Dad. I am so happy that I parted with it. I pray that it will give them comfort while they are there. It is now Thursday and I don't know if it has made it to Devin. I was unable to give it to him since I had a cold. But all I can do is hope that each of them will feel the warmth of my Dad.

This is not the best or the most recent picture of my Dad but I wanted to post one. The shirt he is wearing is on the blanket. 

My first FMQ attempt

A month ago I started a beginners class for piecing a quilt at Calico Cats. I had so much fun and  met some fun ladies that were just as interested in quilting as I was. I have really had a hard time finding people in my circle of current friends. So being around people who had the same goal and interests as me was comforting and exciting. In the class we completed everything from piecing to sandwiching the quilt. As for the quilting  and binding, we were given some guidance and practice but it is up to us to finish it at home.

I started off with simple straight lines using my walking foot and a grey varigate thread. But once that was completed I just knew I had to try FMQ. I have been admiring (stalking) Leah Day's The Free Motion Quilt Project  for a while now. And she says practice is the key. Soooo, since this is my daughter's quilt I figured this would be the best time to practice, practice, practice. After all, I am hoping to be able to look back at this quilt and see how much I have progress as a quilter.

 First, I attempted the claw, but I would get side tracked and ended up making all kinds of waves and shapes.

 So I decided to set my goals

 1.  not to cross stitches (which I have)

2.  stay in the block (which I haven't)

It's all learning and so much fun! 

Now I am not sure what you would call this design but it was fun. My goal here was to learn control and to get 7 to 9 lines per triangle.

When starting to learn to FMQ I really think it helps to set small goals. Your first goal should be

how to control your hand motion speed and your foot pedal. I told my husband it was like driving a stick shift. It's all in the timing.

Once you get that down, then you will find yourself going wild in every direction. That's when you need to make small rules/goals. Trust me it's fun to go wild and crazy at first but like anything it gets out of control quick! 

Tonight I will be heading back up to Calico Cats for a Finish Up Friday! I am hoping to get help sandwiching Devin's quilt and maybe finish the quilting. I was always so scared to ask for help but now I am finding that is the only way I am going to learn. 

Have a great Weekend! A. 

Strength in the LORD...and its hard to let go

Devin's quilt top is completed. I am amazed and excited that I completed it and I am disappointed that I don't want to let it go. I look at it and pray that I will find the determination to make another quilt with my Dad's shirts. There are so many other projects that I want to try that I fear it will be pushed aside. But any whoo... I will let it go and I be will thrilled to have had the ability to do so. 

All this talk about letting go and I still need to quilt and bind it! My plans for quilting are simple straight lines horizontally across approximately 2 inches apart in a navy blue. The only undecided factor is if I will quilt through the bible verse or around it. I leaning on around it. But then how do I transition it??? I guess I will figure it out once I am in the process. Making decision on the whim always seem to work best for me. No stress....Just do it. Then decide to love it or hate it! Happy Day!

A Quilt for Devin

Yesterday while driving home from work I decided the first quilt I will make out of my Dad's shirts will be for Devin. Devin has recently been diagnosed with leukemia and though I know he will make it through this, I know he will have tough times ahead. So, while he is getting chemo I want him to have a reminder that God has place a strong loving angel to watch over him, My Dad. I pray that he will dig deep and find the strength to get through his rough patches and fight on.

Please bare with me through the design process, this is my first quilt without a pattern and only my second quilt.

My Plans for the quilt: I gathered 14 shirts and cut  28 6 1/2 x 5 ? rectangles. I wish I would have made them square but after I cut the first two I just couldn't bring myself to waste the fabric. So I cut the rest of the 26 rectangles using the first rectangle as a template.

 This is my original idea of what I was hoping it would look like.

 This is my second pass

As you can tell my paint software skills are a little better the second. LOL Sorry for the horrible pictures but unless I spend $100 plus to get quilting software this the only tool I know to use.  Maybe I should research for free software.

I knew cutting the shirts would not be easy but knowing that it was going Devin made easier.

5 months have past....So what is cool now?

I bet you are wondering how my "New" eating habits went after reading Eat To Live. Well, I did go completely Vegan for 2 months. I will say that it was defiantly an eye opener to how my body can actually feel when it is not being forced to digest fatty meats and processed food. It felt wonderful! Now this is coming from someone who ate McDonald's at least once or twice a week. Or Chick fil A. Or Whataburger. Plus eating out during lunch everyday...Mexican, Italian, and Chinese. There was a lot of room for improvement. So when I went completely Vegan. I drop 12 lbs within the first couple of weeks, but that wasn't the best part. It was how I felt. The stiffness in my joints were no longer there. The cloud of fog was lifted...(by the way I didn't know I was living in a fog until it was gone.) Just my over all mental state was great. I did not reach this point until about the second week. And trying to decide what I was going to eat everyday on a busy schedule took planning and creativity. I would say the first month was actually really challenging. But reading Eat To Live a little bit each day gave me encouragement and reminded me of why I was doing what I was doing. By the second month I was able to find things on the menu at all my favorite restaurants  that did not contain any animal products.

 Mexican = chalupas without cheese. You can still enjoy chips and hot sauce! But if you are trying to loose weight limit yourself.

Italian = Pasta..Pasta no meat sauce. But again if you are trying to loose weight No Pasta..Have an amazing salad. Ask for dressing on the side.

Chinese = They have plenty of vegetable combinations with noodles or rice. The bad thing is that most of the sauces are high in sodium.

The best choice is to try to prepare your food at home. So then you can control what you are putting into your body.

Ok, so now to the present.

 I am back to eating animal products!!!

Ugh Why?

I don't really have an exact reason other than I got lazy or I lost to the perpressure of the world. Everyone around me focuses their meal around the meat they will be eating. And once I took the first bite and didn't feel any different I keep adding more and more back to my diet. So, now I have the fog back, I feel tired, my joints feel tight and my acid reflux is back. And after writing that...Have I decided to go back Vegan? Nope, not yet. What I am trying to do is limit my animal product intake and hoping I can completely phase it out of my life again. That is my ultimate goal. Going cold turkey diffiantly got me results faster and an overall daily good feeling. And this route I have my good days and not so good days but defiantly more good than bad days. I am starting to loose weight again. My goal is 20 lbs. I have kept 6 lbs of the 12 lbs I lost off. Yay for me!!!

The new thing I have added to my life is Herbalife. This product has helped me keep the weight off and has gotten me to an overall good feeling. I know you are thinking...you said you feel bad... but now you feel good??? When I compare myself to what I felt like going Vegan...nothing compares. But when I compare myself to how I normally felt with my old life style. I feel great!

Vegan = Amazing feeling
Herbalife = Great

Herbalife + Vegan = Greatly Amazing!!! 

Today's Menu:

Cinnabon Herbalife Shake = Formula 1 meal replacement, Protein, butter extract, butterscotch pudding powder
Herbalife Razberry Tea

Homemade Pinto beans
HEB Pico
3 cups of Power Greens (Pink bag from Wal-Mart)
Herbalife Razberry Tea

Tonight...??? No plans yet but most likely a homemade chicken wrap. Little bit of chicken and a ton of greens and cucumbers! Or maybe No chicken and I will have 2 wraps??

Herbalife Products I am currently using:
Formula 1, Protein, and Prolessa (In my shakes daily)
Pills: Cell U Loss, Total Control, Thermo Bond, and Snack Defense

Until next time....I need to post pictures of the first quilt I am making. I started a Quilting class for beginners at Calico Cats.